The Science of H (subtitle: Randy Old Men)

On the hub, some of the more practical articles get the most attention as in: How to Build Your Own Kitchen Table, Step by Step. I want to make something clear at the outset - this article has nothing to do with kitchen tables. In fact it is H rated.

The Science of H, a Unified Field Theory


Sometimes grand answers are found in exchanges from various others
who are involved in solving the great mysteries. Here, are some older males
who are engaged in deep contemplation about one of the more primordial issues
since the invention of the Brazier. This was one of those Zen experiences. One very like an observation a friend made of me, after 20 years of friendship. One that appeared to bring him to near awakening. He made a point of the fact that I never wear shorts...but he said it like it was his KOAN. given to him by his Master, and he'd found the answer.. And that is a fact. I never do. He'd realized a truth. But I fear, not a cosmic one. Or maybe not. Who can say?

I had a similar experience, I realized that I didn't know what CUP size meant. I consider this a much more important observation than: " I know what it is about you; You never wear shorts." stated as though he were Freud, discovering the source of my neurosis. Maybe he did, discover the source, but he didn't go with it. I think there's no deep issue there, I just don't wear shorts and I don't know why, as I have nice legs. Better than his. But I don't judge him for whatever brings him to enlightenment. Sometimes it can be small things..

But, I have discovered that in my nearly sixty years on this planet, I have never understood one variable. The Cup Size. And I consider that an important gap in my knowledge. At my age there are only several more things that need to be understood before I give up the ghost. And this is one.

What determines the cup size of a Bra? Now there's a weighty question.. This is a hot topic in the field of H study. So, we enter the laboratory of dirty minds and ask a few questions of my colleagues.

Me (Question for friends, from puzzlement of 50 years duration):

When we were kids other kids would say "She's a 36"
we'd say "wow!"
Now 36 was good. Why did we think that? We didn't know. When I heard 36, I was impressed. 38 by extrapolation, was much more impressive.That meant that stuff rather stuck out there,
But 40 though would make you really think something naughty was happening, precipitating
a sharp increase in the H effect. 40 is almost unfathomable, and from what I understand there is actually a 42, which is entering kind of a quantum area, which need not be factored in...
But what was not exactly clear?

When you say she's a "40 D cup" I believe that's the epitomy. But I am not sure about that, except that, it's a pretty good situation.
When we think of "ampleness" and hear 40 D cup, H goes off the scale.

But what's with the cup thing? Sounds good and it definitely affects the H variable..
.but, is "40" = the protuberance and D cup is that like - volume? Volume is good.
Is there an A cup? Why does H factor decrease just hearing "A cup." Why are we not impressed. It's a pretty good grade in school.

Let's assume a range of A, B, C, D in "cups," where A is better than D? Is this the way it works? No, D is better than A, we've established that. Ted you're the scientist, is there a standard there that is universal - can we do an equation?
I do know I am impressed with 40 D cup, but I dinno what a cup is... can that be explained?
Its the number and the D cup that does it. I think. But why? Is a B cup is less of an issue? That's what isn't clear. But we do know something is going on there with this cup thing.. But what is it? Is it something to do with:

"her cup runneth over?" Is it Spilliage?

I think just saying that when we were kids... caused a reaction from primordial places.

"Richie has a a reaction in a primordial place, he is H and has a B."

Of course I got excited when I heard that Patty Richardson sat on Danny Rivers lap partially clad - and said "I am ready willing and able" I think she wasn't able, or ready, or willing...
but, she was willing to say she was. It came from a movie I think. We didm't know what she was ready to do...but, just saying it did something, It impressed Danny - who was older, and he seemed to think it was quite something for Patty to say. So we were impressed. .

Scientist Cousin

Cup size is the important measure. A woman could be a 40 chest and be "flat". I believe cup size is derived by measuring chest just underneath the breasts and another measurement around the chest that includes the protruberance of the breasts. The difference between these measurements is reflected in the cup size. Bigger the difference, larger the cup size.

( I knew he'd have something to offer)

Fellow Frisky Friend

I'm getting H. This is one of my favorite topics. This is largely conditional,with inherent biological influences, of course. We grew up with the nearly forbidden Jayne Mansfield, remember? Even the name quickens the pulse.....(Note he brings in the pyschobiological crap, but the main point is he's H just from discussing the mysterious topic, which may motivate us in the quest for a field theory of H.)

Me (below) proposing and an equation to my cousin the scientist. Let me point out here that equations that are perfectly symetrical and all inclusive so as to account for H,
are difficult matters. The equations are formed from partial equations built up from other equations and then they are distilled to an essence. Call it "weird science." or more appropriately, H science, pondered by weirdos.

Einstien came up with e- mc squared. But, he spent a lifetime trying to unify the magnetic field and gravitation and he couldn't do it. But for concerned guys out there, we want you to know that we are working on the problem. The female mystique is not an easy phenomenon to explain. And females are working very hard to prevent us from
us from understanding all of this. But, think of the leg up we'd have if we knew what was really going on there. Here is a rough derivation proposed to my cousin, I am waiting for him to check this relationship:

So if if S = sub
C- circumference
P- protruberances
H = excitation
c = cup
We get a part of the grand equation,
CP- CSP = c (A, B, C, or D)
and therefore,
if C1 > C2 = c is increased we could get a D cup, so therefore we get, H (a) ( H, augmentation)
This is seems to be a good start. But....
There is then the cleavage variable
cv.

If Cup dimensions are ranged from A to D then CUP A = clv *r* ( r - reduced) relative to other c classifications secondary to C1 - CSP relationship:, we get
B, C and the unthinkable D cup, they invariably affect clv proportionately. So,
when c = D we have > clv (a) or clv max. .
which results in H x 2? (The 2 multiple is probably underestimated as some of
us think the multiple is as high as 10. And so I propose a range here H x1, H x2 H x 3 H x 4
which corresponds to c classifications and civ derivatives.
But are there other variables to consider? Yes.
clvv - visible cleavage.

This is where the equations get complex.

Obviously there is the psychological factor here: as, clv: affects H only to the extent
that clv is visible. In fact, it's rather philosophical, such as in: "if we have clv max, does clv max exist if we can't see it?" How can we answer that, if we don't know about the falling tree in the woods, yet. I think what we really end up with here is is clv max p or potential. But potential must be proven eventually. It's only fair. Anyone can
"claim" potential. We don't even know what's in there, or if it is, that it exists. (there's some epistomology in there - so bear with me).

However the degree of visibility is yet another variable that can have
a powerful effect on H . Excessive visibility can decrease H, slight to moderate visibility
can affect H according to taste, or YMMV.
Some men prefer implied clv max, with mininmal visibility. Others need more evidence.

Especialy men from Missouri. Hence the phrase:: "show me." (but not too much)

Females can be tricky. Minimal visibilty may cause a false increase in H due to female manueverings and craft.   We have to  be realistic, there could be rolled socks in there for all we know.. We call this the SM variable, the "smoke and mirrors effect". One must be careful as F or Flat, is always possible, even if the 40 number is accurate. Now you are beginning to see how difficult the problem of coming up with a grand equation for H can be.. But as we study this problem we will keep you abreast of our progress ;) .After all, It's a guy thing. We should understand how we are being messmerized by feminine mystique. It's always advisible to have some edge. .

Newsflash: My daughter informs me that there is such a thing as a Double D. She's a kid, so we have to verify that. Yep, It could be true. Now don't that beat all! This is more complicated than I thought.